he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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