This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
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Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
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I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize