I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Still dying that you shit outside
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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