Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize