if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
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Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
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Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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