well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
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I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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