I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize