sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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