The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
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Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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