Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
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i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
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It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was not drunk enough for that final.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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