Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
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Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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