How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching her eat just hurts me
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Randomize