Your mouth is God's brothel.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize