Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
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If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
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The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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