he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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