he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
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He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
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I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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