Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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