Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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