I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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