can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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