I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
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We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
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I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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