Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize