dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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