Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
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She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
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Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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