wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
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Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
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I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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