I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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