My friends, they love my intelligence
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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