I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize