im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
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I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
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Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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