I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize