Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Im part way to drunk.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize