she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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