I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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