Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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