Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
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Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
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For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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