its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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