o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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