she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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