It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
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CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
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My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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