By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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