I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize