He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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