well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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