Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
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Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
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I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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