you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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