i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
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just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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