Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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