dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize