false alarm. still invincible.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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