your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize